leu·ke·mi·a

There are some words in life.
Words we know but we never use.
We hear them in movies or books.
Then one day something happens in our life. A time when we use that word.
Then, in a blink of an eye, the word is familiar, common and all encompassing.

leukemia.

That's my word.
My word that I never thought I'd need. And now? Every day.. several times a day.
Being an aunt gives me one of the greatest joys I have ever experienced. 
They light up my life every single day.  They are funny, innocent, pure.
leukemia is trying to take that away from one of them. all of them in a way.
it is tugging at her innocence and pulling away her smile.

not fair.

that's what I say.

It's not fair.

She is too young, too innocent, too sweet.

But, cancer is not a respector of persons.

It makes me angry.  Some handle things like this with poise. With grace. With strengh.

I'm not to that point just yet. I'm still angry.

I'm angry that I have to watch this little girl suffer. I'm angry I can't do anything about it. I'm angry that I have to see tears in her parents eyes. I'm angry that I know my way around Primary Children's Medical Center.  I'm angry that I know the nurses and doctors by name.  I'm ANGRY.

I'm grateful for those around me that are walking with strength and acting with grace. They are getting me through the days. I'll get there... I'll find it.

I know that God is watching over this family.  I know that he KNOWS how this feels.  I know that he KNOWS how I feel. That is my strength. He is my strength. I think he is my whole family's strength.
She is strong. This girl can move mountains.  This will be one sucky ride. There will be pain, sickness, trial.  She may feel like quitting or giving in.  But, we won't let her.  She has more strength than she knows. 

When she comes out of this... she will know who she is, know what she stands for, know what her calling is.  Cancer has picked the wrong girl and the wrong family. 

Ashtyn-Remember your capabilities.  Remember your strengths.  There is an army forming in your behalf.  The battle cry has been sung and we are on the front lines.  We have come only for victory.  We will never give up and neither can you! We love you! Now Fight!