Tuesday, February 12, 2013

leu·ke·mi·a

There are some words in life.
Words we know but we never use.
We hear them in movies or books.
Then one day something happens in our life. A time when we use that word.
Then, in a blink of an eye, the word is familiar, common and all encompassing.
leukemia.
That's my word.
My word that I never thought I'd need. And now? Every day.. several times a day.
Being an aunt gives me one of the greatest joys I have ever experienced. 
They light up my life every single day.  They are funny, innocent, pure.
leukemia is trying to take that away from one of them. all of them in a way.
it is tugging at her innocence and pulling away her smile.
not fair.
that's what I say.
It's not fair.
She is too young, too innocent, too sweet.
But, cancer is not a respector of persons.
It makes me angry.  Some handle things like this with poise. With grace. With strengh.
I'm not to that point just yet. I'm still angry.
I'm angry that I have to watch this little girl suffer. I'm angry I can't do anything about it. I'm angry that I have to see tears in her parents eyes. I'm angry that I know my way around Primary Children's Medical Center.  I'm angry that I know the nurses and doctors by name.  I'm ANGRY.

I'm grateful for those around me that are walking with strength and acting with grace. They are getting me through the days. I'll get there... I'll find it.

I know that God is watching over this family.  I know that he KNOWS how this feels.  I know that he KNOWS how I feel. That is my strength. He is my strength. I think he is my whole family's strength.
She is strong. This girl can move mountains.  This will be one sucky ride. There will be pain, sickness, trial.  She may feel like quitting or giving in.  But, we won't let her.  She has more strength than she knows. 

When she comes out of this... she will know who she is, know what she stands for, know what her calling is.  Cancer has picked the wrong girl and the wrong family. 

Ashtyn-Remember your capabilities.  Remember your strengths.  There is an army forming in your behalf.  The battle cry has been sung and we are on the front lines.  We have come only for victory.  We will never give up and neither can you! We love you! Now Fight! 

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Kaylee Bug

Ok so I'm a little behind. marriage. moving. family stuff. but here I am.
ON JANUARY 4, 2013 MY KAYLEE BUG HAD A BIRTHDAY!
now if you don't know kaylee... well I feel bad for you.

She is the spunkiest girl I know.
She is the first to notice if something is wrong and the first to make it better.
She always says she wants to be like me.. little does she know... I want to be like her.
She has an appetite for life like I've never seen. 
She loves to read and learn about new and fascinating things and she teaches me every day.
She always has a fun fact to share and truely... it usually blows my mind.

She is an emotional daughter of god who is in tune with what is around her.  Her passion for this family and the way she deeply cares about them is infectious.  She knows when something is wrong and it deeply effects her.  This has been a rough year for our family and after the tears always comes Kaylee Bug's smile to make the day better.

She picks up on everything we say (like most kids) but thens he remembers it and spits it back out at the funniest moments.
Our family WOULD NOT be the same without her. 
her red curly hair, her animal impressions, her hugs, her smile, her laugh and her love.
we are so blessed to have her.
She will never understand the role she plays in this family and how much we need her.
love you buggy!
love-aunt aubri